How to Keep Your Sanity While Balancing Work and Parenthood at Home

Balancing parenthood while working from home is a new world that many of us are navigating. It can be so hard to get your work done at home and take care of all of your kids’ needs without getting burned out. Here are 5 tips to help make that balancing act a little bit easier.

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What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

Growing up and going to school everyone always asks, “What do you want to be when you grow up? What’s your career going to be? What do you want to work towards? What are you interested in?” Those are pretty common questions for everyone, starting from elementary school through college.

But I was never asked, “What kind of mom do you want to be? Or do you want to have a career? Or do you want to do both?” But I always knew that I wanted to do both of those things. I always knew I wanted to be a mom and I was always excited about my career. I just wasn’t prepared for how hard it was going to be to do both. Of course, my dreams of what I wanted my career to be has changed over the years from Dolphin Trainer to Rockstar and FBI Agent. I eventually became a Fashion Designer.

More Flexibility at Home

A career as a traditional fashion designer for a larger company didn’t really offer me much flexibility in terms of being part-time. It was either full-time or no time. That was hard for me when it came time to have a career and be a mom. I wanted more time to be at home with my kids when I was working for a larger company and I struggled to figure out how to do both. I felt a lot of mom guilt when I was away from my son and work guilt when I was away from work. But I finally landed on being a product business owner and luckily this has been a good career for  working from home.

A lot more people, especially women, these days are working from home. Since the pandemic, it’s much more common for people to work from home. And that’s great because it gives us a lot more flexibility. Working from home has been a great option for me for blending those two sides, the career side and the mom side.

I’m sure a lot of you out there can relate to this conundrum as a parent. That feeling of, “How do we do these things? How do we balance these huge parts of our lives? ”

Here are five tips that I use to help balance parenthood and working from home.

Tip #1: Don’t Try to Balance It

Now, the first tip is going to seem very ironic and you might roll your eyes, but my first tip is that you can’t actually balance it. When you say the word balance, you imagine two perfectly weighted items that are equal. But there’s no way that we can have a perfect amount spent working and a perfect amount spent parenting. If we try to achieve that perfection, we will burn ourselves out. There are going to be times in our lives that we need to spend more time with our kids and our kids need us more.

For example, right now it’s the last week of school for us and there are lots of sports teams that are finishing. So there are end-of-season games and parties, end-of-school activities like Field Day, scheduling summer activities, Jog-a-thons, and all kinds of things that are happening at this time. So this season I’ve been spending more time doing things with my kids and for my family, which is great. I love that I have the flexibility. My work projects can be put on hold and I can say, “Okay, let’s go to that baseball game!”

The word balance, which I use lightly, doesn’t mean to be perfectly balanced, but more about finding a place where you feel comfortable and peaceful with the amount of time that you’re spending in each area.

The Progress Principle

That also has to do with what your expectations are for each day. You can’t expect yourself to get too much work done each day and then also be there for everything your kids could possibly need or want. Honestly, we have to lower our expectations about how much we can do in one day.

As I was preparing for this post, I came across this article in the Harvard Business Review, titled “The Power of Small Wins,” and the authors found that “nothing contributed more to a positive inner work-life than  making progress in meaningful work. “

The progress principle: Of all the things that can boost emotions, motivation, and perceptions during a workday, the single most important is making progress in meaningful work…And the work doesn’t need to involve curing cancer in order to be meaningful. It simply must matter to the person doing it.

– Harvard Business Review

So, if we want to feel fulfilled in our work, we have to make progress on something that we find meaningful. So this goes back to whatever work you’re doing from home. It should be something that’s meaningful for you.

This to me means that if I’ve made a little progress on something that I feel is meaningful at work, then I can feel satisfied and more prepared to handle my home and parental responsibilities. It recharges my batteries essentially to do something that’s fulfilling for work. Then I have more energy and desire to be that mom that I want to be.  

Tip #2: Have a Designated Workspace

Put Your Brain In Work-Mode

I get distracted really easily so being in my workspace is a way to put my mind in work mode. I am lucky enough to have my she-shed in my backyard which is my little office. I know not everyone has the ability to have another room or  she shed for their office, but I’m hoping that everyone can make a designated spot where they do their work. Whether that’s a desk or a kitchen table or something that puts their brain in work mode.

 I like my she-shed because it is separated from my family duties. For example, if my husband is on duty with the kids and I’m working in the living room, the kids are going to be talking to me and asking me for things. However, if I’m out of site then they’re asking Dad for those things. So that’s one benefit of a separate workspace.

Reduce Stress

According to Psycom.net in an article titled, “How and Why Cleaning Can Improve Your Mental Health,” it states, “Clutter is thought to produce an increase in the stress hormone cortisol. This doesn’t mean that clutter causes mental illness, but it certainly doesn’t help… In fact, recent studies suggest that when you have a lot of visual noise going on around you, making decisions can be more difficult.” Furthermore, “Cleaning your space may help you reduce your cortisol levels. Turn down the volume on the visual noise and help you focus on things you need to do that could potentially improve your mood.”

It’s easier to keep your designated workspace area clean compared to the whole house or the couch, or living room, or wherever else you might work. Then you can focus and have lower stress levels when you’re trying to work. 

Tip #3: Schedule the Time to Do Your Work

When you have a designated time for each of the things you have to get done and you write it down, it will be easier to follow through. For me Monday, Wednesday, and Friday my kids are in school and Tuesday my son goes on an adventure with his grandma. It can be helpful to schedule your work around your kids’ routines like if they have naps, etc.

Integration vs. Balance

 Lately, I’ve been hearing the term Work/Life Integration instead of Work/Life balance. The theory behind this is that the work parts of your life and the home parts of your life are now integrated into one thing to do throughout the day, not two separate things to be balanced. Especially since the pandemic, this integration is happening more since we’re working at home more. This concept works great for some people and they say they like it because they feel more like their whole selves. So they’re not siloed into a different person depending on what is needed of them.

But for me, this approach doesn’t work well because I get easily distracted. I feel like I’m my whole self wherever I am or whatever I’m doing, I just need to be able to focus on one thing in order to be efficient. For example, when my toddler is wanting a snack, or wanting my attention, or to show me that he can stand on one leg, I’m not getting very much work done.

 So I do my best to schedule a time when I can get deep work done at least a couple hours of the day, without distraction, to just focus on my work. Now that’s not to say that I don’t actually try to do work when my kids are around. I do that all the time, but I try to do less of it because I want to be able to focus on my kids when I’m around my kids. As much as I can, I try to do my work when I have some time to myself.

 So that brings us to tip number three. In order to have time to yourself, you’re going to need some help. You’re going to need some support.

Tip #4: Get Some Support

Communicate With Your Family

The first part of getting support is to communicate with your partner and your family what you need or what you want to try to accomplish. Work out that schedule with your family and tell your kids, this is the time that I’m going to be working and give them the expectation that you’re not going to be available during that time.

My husband and I share our Google Calendar and then we also have a big wall calendar from 1Thrive that I love. We keep it in our kitchen and I put all of the big events we have each day on the calendar. That way everyone is on the same page.

 You can also check out my other post called Workflow and Systems for a Small Business Owner about how I get my work done on a daily basis.

Hiring Help That You Trust

Part of getting support can be hiring help. Not everyone has the ability to hire help. I totally understand that. Possibly you can have Grandma or Grandpa or aunts and uncles help, but if not a good sitter or a nanny can also be awesome. At 4 years old, my son goes to preschool three days a week and he loves it.

Based on the 2022 Cost of Care survey on Care.com, it says “51% of parents are spending more than 20% of their household income on childcare… Yet according to The US Department of Health and Human Services, child care is considered affordable when it’s no more than 7% of your household income.”

So these days hiring help isn’t very affordable. But if you can squeeze it into your budget, consider more than just the amount of money your work is bringing in when determining whether or not you will hire childcare help. You’re paying for more than just childcare so you can work.

For me, I consider it part of my mental health care. When I have time to work on my business, the things that I’m passionate about, my health, and my mental health, I’m a better mom. Therefore some of the costs that are going towards childcare are also going towards taking care of myself and my mental health.

Another benefit of having people that you trust take care of your kids is that you are expanding their circle of trust and the number of people that love them.  

Tip #5: Have a Healthy Perspective

Don’t Compare Yourself

In today’s society, we are all comparing ourselves to other people all the time. It’s so hard not to with social media. Also, I think it’s just an innate part of human beings. We tend to compare ourselves to other people.

But the way that one mom does it is not the same way that another mom needs to do it. For example, I have a lot of sister-in-laws. I have nine sister-in-laws. A majority of them are full-time moms that don’t have a separate job and they feel really fulfilled doing that. That’s satisfying for them. They enjoy it and use their creativity and talents within the responsibilities of motherhood.

Sometimes I compare myself to them thinking about how great they are at motherhood. Their cooking skills, their ability to keep their house clean, their crafting skills, or how they play games with their kids or throw amazing birthday parties. Those things are not my strengths. Like many of us tend to do, I compare my weaknesses to other people’s strengths.

I have to remind myself that I also have strengths as a parent. I’m really good at being aware of my kids’ emotions and talking to them about their feelings. Every day at dinner we talk about what their peaks and pits were for the day.  I make sure that I get them to the activities, sports, and parties that they want to participate in. So there are things that I think I’m really good at as a mom and I try to not compare myself to what other moms are doing.

Have Empathy For Yourself

Lastly, I want to say, make sure that you have empathy for yourself. Often we talk to ourselves in our heads negatively. We criticize ourselves and ask what we could be doing better. We need to try and talk to ourselves the way that we would talk to a friend. How would we treat our friend if they felt like they weren’t doing enough as a mom or they weren’t successful enough in their business? What would we tell them? We should practice having a kind inner voice with ourselves.

Laugh at Your Mistakes

One trick that I think I’ve learned over the years is to learn to laugh at my mistakes. It’s become part of my personality. I have a little bit of a self-deprecating sense of humor but in a lighthearted way.

One of the first times I learned to laugh at myself I was in high school and I was a freshman. We had just gotten out of class for lunch and I slipped on a crust of pizza in the quad. I fell on my face and I was wearing a skirt which was so embarrassing. I remember laying on the ground and just thinking, “This is a dream. I’m going to open my eyes and I’m going to wake up in my bed because I’m definitely dreaming right now.” When I opened my eyes I was not dreaming. Everyone was standing around looking at me wondering if I was okay and I just felt humiliated. So embarrassed.

When I got home from school that day I talked to my mom. I was so upset and I was like, “Mom, I slipped on a crust pizza at school and everyone laughed at me.” Then she started laughing and I thought “How Rude!” But I realized seeing her laugh at that and seeing her example of being able to laugh at herself when things go wrong, taught me that I can laugh at life. My mom taught Special Education for many years, so things could be chaotic for her at work sometimes. When she would have things go wrong she would just laugh at it. Now when I slip on a crust of pizza (which luckily has not happened since) I can laugh at it. Now it becomes a good story to tell people.

I think that having this sense of humor can also help us as parents. We make mistakes as parents. We don’t do the right thing sometimes when it comes to our kids and we can laugh and say, oh my gosh. I’m not going to do that anymore.

For example, one time I was at the park with my first son. He was two or three and in that really fun stage where you kind of have to follow your kid around at the park because they’re just not good at not injuring themselves. So he was on the monkey bars and I was with him, feeling like such a good mom keeping my kid out of trouble. He was swinging from bar to bar and slipped. I caught him, but I caught him around the ankles and then his head continued to fall and hit the ground. He cried but was fine. Looking back now I think it’s so funny that I did that. Why would I grab his ankles and not his upper body?! I don’t know. It was just a dumb mistake. Now I’m able to laugh at it and think… wow.

Conclusion

 So I hope these tips help you feel a little bit better about how you’re managing your work and home life. It doesn’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be the best mom that ever existed.  You know that you love your kids and that you’re doing your best. You also need to do the things that bring you joy and fulfillment.

 Also, don’t forget that it’s okay to ask for help when you need it. Also, when your business is ready to grow, you can hire people to help you. Then you will have less and less on your plate of things to do.

Linked Mentioned:

– “The Power of Small Wins” by The Harvard Business Review
– “How and Why Cleaning Can Improve Your Mental Health” by Psycom.net
– Google Calendar
– 1Thrive Wall Calendar
– Episode #2 Workflow and Systems for a Small Business Owner
– The 2022 Cost of Care survey on Care.com
– The US Department of Health and Human Services